Gone Too Soon

Like the smallest leaf drifting by in the wind, his life slid further and further away from me. I tried to hold onto what I had left of him, but he was gone forever. There was nothing more I could do for him.

I didn’t have my baby Sam for a very long time, but in the little bit of time that I did have him we grew attached to one another. His love and devotion was exactly what I needed in a really rough time in my life. Sometimes I’d have the weight of the world on my shoulders but his adoration added with the love of my children was enough to keep me going on.

Many times I’ve thought of ending my own life, so I can’t understand why the death of my puppy hurt me so much. I guess it’s because I loved him. And that fact alone is enough to make me remember my kids all of those times I contemplated and attempted suicide.

Thinking of my puppy taking his last breath without me made me weak to my knees. I can only imagine the impact that my own death would have on my kids. They love me so much.

So even though life seems to be dealing me a bad hand these last few years, I press on. I’ve lost friends along the way, but I press on. I’ve lost my mind a few times, but I press on. I’ve given all of myself, too much of myself, with nothing in return, but still I press on. I press on for my kids. I press on for the hope of a better future for them. I press on for the next generation of leaders and families. I PRESS ON!

The death of my puppy was not only a hard pill to swallow for me, but it was also an eye opener. Life is too precious, and no matter who we are or what we have done, we mean something to somebody. So, don’t waste another moment worrying about what’s in your way. Keep pressing on!

Busy Busy Busy

I ‘m baaaaacckkk!

I bet you’re probably wondering where I’ve been all of this time. Maybe, you’re thinking to yourself, “I didn’t even know she was gone”. Well, I’m back now and it feels so good.

Not having an outlet can be frustrating at times, but lately I’ve been struggling to stay on task with the simplest of things. I can make a schedule, but I won’t stick to it. I can find a job, but I wouldn’t want to go after a few weeks. I can promise the family a vacation, but just the thought of planning it overwhelms me. So, I’m excited to be poking my head over the mountain this week. I had a fight with depression and I’ve emerged victorious.

I wasn’t laying around crying and wondering why me like people imagine a bout of depression looks. I was just making extreme plans that I never intended to pursue. I was longing for things that I refused to go after. I was worrying about things that haven’t happened. And all of this put me in a really dark place.

In a sense, I was busy. Busy fighting off those demons.

I knew I had to do something about my mental state. It wasn’t comfortable, and it wasn’t safe to stay there too long. I had to move, and move I did! So, I’m back and I’m proud!

Photo by Nina Uhlu00edkovu00e1 on Pexels.com

It’s not easy realizing you’re in a dark place and pulling yourself out of it.

It’s not easy staying in a dark place, either. Choose your battle wisely. Life is moving whether you participate or not. Don’t let anything stop you from living, not even yourself!