Gone Too Soon

Like the smallest leaf drifting by in the wind, his life slid further and further away from me. I tried to hold onto what I had left of him, but he was gone forever. There was nothing more I could do for him.

I didn’t have my baby Sam for a very long time, but in the little bit of time that I did have him we grew attached to one another. His love and devotion was exactly what I needed in a really rough time in my life. Sometimes I’d have the weight of the world on my shoulders but his adoration added with the love of my children was enough to keep me going on.

Many times I’ve thought of ending my own life, so I can’t understand why the death of my puppy hurt me so much. I guess it’s because I loved him. And that fact alone is enough to make me remember my kids all of those times I contemplated and attempted suicide.

Thinking of my puppy taking his last breath without me made me weak to my knees. I can only imagine the impact that my own death would have on my kids. They love me so much.

So even though life seems to be dealing me a bad hand these last few years, I press on. I’ve lost friends along the way, but I press on. I’ve lost my mind a few times, but I press on. I’ve given all of myself, too much of myself, with nothing in return, but still I press on. I press on for my kids. I press on for the hope of a better future for them. I press on for the next generation of leaders and families. I PRESS ON!

The death of my puppy was not only a hard pill to swallow for me, but it was also an eye opener. Life is too precious, and no matter who we are or what we have done, we mean something to somebody. So, don’t waste another moment worrying about what’s in your way. Keep pressing on!

Busy Busy Busy

I ‘m baaaaacckkk!

I bet you’re probably wondering where I’ve been all of this time. Maybe, you’re thinking to yourself, “I didn’t even know she was gone”. Well, I’m back now and it feels so good.

Not having an outlet can be frustrating at times, but lately I’ve been struggling to stay on task with the simplest of things. I can make a schedule, but I won’t stick to it. I can find a job, but I wouldn’t want to go after a few weeks. I can promise the family a vacation, but just the thought of planning it overwhelms me. So, I’m excited to be poking my head over the mountain this week. I had a fight with depression and I’ve emerged victorious.

I wasn’t laying around crying and wondering why me like people imagine a bout of depression looks. I was just making extreme plans that I never intended to pursue. I was longing for things that I refused to go after. I was worrying about things that haven’t happened. And all of this put me in a really dark place.

In a sense, I was busy. Busy fighting off those demons.

I knew I had to do something about my mental state. It wasn’t comfortable, and it wasn’t safe to stay there too long. I had to move, and move I did! So, I’m back and I’m proud!

Photo by Nina Uhlu00edkovu00e1 on Pexels.com

It’s not easy realizing you’re in a dark place and pulling yourself out of it.

It’s not easy staying in a dark place, either. Choose your battle wisely. Life is moving whether you participate or not. Don’t let anything stop you from living, not even yourself!

A Better You

For most of my life, I’ve struggled with different forms of anxiety and depression. Some days I feel like I’m on top of the world and I can face anything coming my way. Other days I just want to curl up into a ball and stay there forever. Nobody wants to be in a bad mood forever, but a lot of us spend most of our lives trying to escape sadness and fear only to obtain a little piece of happiness that is quickly diminished by the next round of troubles and fears.

Over time, I’ve learned to manage on my tough days. How did I do this? I accepted my faults and researched different ways to combat them.

There are steps you have to take to get through anxiety and depression.

1. First, you must understand that you don’t have to accept those toxic thoughts that send you in a downward spiral towards anxiety and depression. Most of the time, a bad mood starts with one simple thought. It could be something as small as not feeling pretty in a particular outfit or something as big as thinking certain death is right around the corner. Don’t accept those thoughts. If the outfit isn’t right, then change it. If you have a feeling of impending doom, you must pray or combat that feeling with positive thoughts of the future. You don’t have to accept those thoughts. You can control your own mind.
2. Second, you must make a point of practicing self-care. Have you been neglecting your hygiene lately. Are you getting enough food and water throughout the day. Have you been taking care of your and nails. These things might seem superficial, but they are very important when evaluating your mental health. If you find that you have been neglecting these needs, then find the time to take a long shower, eat a big, healthy meal, or take your vitamins. You will be surprised how much better doing these simple things will make you feel.
3. Also, dress up and go out. This may go with self-care, but I thought it was important enough to need its own bulletin. Choose at least one day out of the week to dress up, do your hair/make up and go out somewhere. You don’t have to go clubbing or anything serious like that. Just take the time to meet new people and engage in some real social interaction. I know we love Facebook and Twitter, but we can’t let those things be the only ways that we replenish our social needs.

It’s definitely ok to not be ok. It’s ok to need help. It’s ok to admit that something is wrong.

What’s not ok is staying in that situation for long periods of time. We have to find ways to take our lives back. We have to try to take control.

Some ways that I like to take control of my life is by starting my mornings with positive affirmations. Here are a few of the things I like to tell myself when I wake up:

• I am beautiful.
• I am confident.
• I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
• I will accept the things that I can’t change and change the things that I can.

Make your own list of affirmations and read them out loud every morning. Believe in yourself and others will find it easier to believe in you.

I also have to tell myself that we all make mistakes and nobody is exempt. Give yourself as much grace and mercy as you give to others. We have to be confident in ourselves while also realizing that we are not superhuman and we will make mistakes. This is important in taking control of your thoughts and feelings.

Last but not least, understand that it’s ok to cry.

It’s unhealthy to hold back your emotions because you put yourself at risk of having an even bigger meltdown at a later date. It’s best to let it all out. Maybe while you’re crying you will realize the bigger issue or the thought that led you to the anxiety and depression. Then you will be better prepared when it’s time to combat those thoughts and come out of that funky mood.

Let’s be diligent about maintaining a healthy mentality and straying away from anxiety and depression. We don’t have to continue to live that way.

Better days are just around the corner for us!